Caregiver Stress?

In my 38 years of life on this earth, I have never heard of such a thing as suffering from Caregiver Stress?!?  I'll just put it out on the table right now...I am first and foremost my Mother's DAUGHTER, not her caregiver.  Her hubby is there for her day in and day out, each and every minute he can helping her regulate her pain, take her meds, help her with housework, grocery shopping, and whatever else needs to be taken care of.  I get to float in an out of the house at will, coming by to visit, bring smiles and memories to chat about, and most of all just being there for her....being her 'friend',  her sounding board, her listening ear, her shoulder to cry on.  So to give me the title of caregiver is a bit deceiving but in the grand scheme of things, and in the official definition, I am a caregiver of a pancreatic cancer patient.  So with that said, this stress that they speak of...now that I read more about it (and TRUST ME I read far too much on the internet about pancreatic cancer and stress) I'm pretty certain I qualify as a candidate to be labelled as such.


"Because our definitions of what constitutes stress are fairly subjective, some people may be under great stress and not really be conscious of it, so they may not report being stressed when asked."


If someone asked me "Are you stressed?"  I am fairly certain I would say some days yes, others no way.  Caring for my mother seems to be the only logical thing to do considering she brought me into this world and raised me to be the woman and mother I am today.  SHE is the one I give credit to for teaching me morals and manners and etiquette.  I pass on what I learned from her down to all three of my children hoping they can one day grow up to be like her.  I care for her....therefore I am a caregiver.  It's the natural human thing to do for the ones you love.  Is it stressful to return the favor?  No....not ONE bit.


Now if someone asked me "Are you stressed?"  when Mom is having a bad day?  The answer on the flip side of things totally reverses.  YES....stressful.  Very.  I'm petrified of the future and I want to make sure that whatever that future brings, it does not involve suffering or pain or embarrassment for my Mom.  She has worked too damn hard in her life to go out like that.  A woman of her dedication deserves the utmost peace.  All the way to the last minute.  Stress.....yes.  That would be one form of stress.  But honestly, really....that's what stresses me.  Making her as happy and comfortable as possible.  If I miss a phone call or a text that says she is having uncontrollable break through pain, if I happen to not wake up if the phone rings late at night when something goes wrong, if I don't visit on a day that she needs emotional boosting....that is my stress.  And I am living with that stress e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.  I am living up to what I think is the best job that I can do and we are still all smiling and making memories and reminiscing and hugging <3  

Today was a visiting day from Hospice....blood pressure is good, lungs sound clear.  Slight changes, but they are slight.  She told me for the first time today that she can feel two different lumps in her abdomen now.  Not the news I wanted to hear, but alas I knew I would hear it.  I am just grateful for her brutal honesty with me.  We are not sure if it is the tumors getting that much larger or she is getting that much skinnier.  May be a bit of both.  Nothing we can do about either of them, so we talk about it, and then we move onto bigger conversations....like my little pickles' birthday today <3  So today was an eeeeeeeeh ok day, but it was not a bad day, so we will make a check mark in the 'win' column, cuz that's how she rolls ;)  We have great conversations today, an AMAZING visit yesterday, and right now I am at peace, and I think she is too....