In One Day's time, it's all changing :(

Saturday was soo p.e.r.f.e.c.t.  Even in all its' stormy, rainy glory.  The lunch date and the chatting....it was beautiful.  But tonight is another day in a cancer patients' life and it's all not soo glamorous.  It's ugly, it's disgusting, is cruel, and it's wrong.  She's feeling horrible, nauseated, and vomiting as well.  Very tired, and more pain is radiating across to the other side of her back.  God......I don't like this.  I am not using God in a profane sense of the word.  I am speaking to him.  Right here.  Right now.  Don't let her go through this nonsense.  No suffering.  No sickness.  She's had enough.  My God, you KNOW she's had enough.  And I will even go as far as being soo selfish as to say I have had enough.  I don't want to see the suffering or hear about it or have her go through it.  I know it's coming.  I have tried to prepare myself....but that's just impossible.  How can you EVER prepare enough for what cancer does to someone?  You can't.  I am here to tell you that.  You can't.  I can't.  I won't.  I am leaving her in God's hands and trusting him to make the right decisions for her.  I can't make those kind of decisions.  This is where faith comes in.  It would be AMAZING if I still had 100% of my faith left....I'm not gonna blow smoke and say it's all there.  It's waivering.  BUT I will continue to pray for peace and faith and comfort and love.  I don't think I have felt this much fear internally since the first traumatic pain episode way back in June.  That fear was stifled for a bit watching my Mom have beautiful days, dazzling smiles, and giggles with the kids.  But it's back....in full force and knocking at the door to my soul, and my soul is shaking in its' stance.  I can do this.  SHE can do this.  We will get through this ugly time, so for now I leave you with two words that are abundantly important to me right now....PRAY PLEASE <3