No news is GOOD news....

So it's been a few days since my last post and I am over the moon excited to say that Mom has had at LEAST 5 consecutive good days.  God is GOOD....that is all.  Because at this stage in the game for her to have one good day, well that's pretty amazing, but FIVE?!?  In a row?  Well that calls for a celebration of sorts....a blog post ;)

So today we will breathe...a sigh of gratitude that she is getting relief from the pain.  She is smiling more.  Laughing even a little and having longer phone conversations with me.  Talking of the kiddies and their first week of school.  Of course all the while making sure that I know she loves me, too.    For a brief moment in time, it ALMOST felt normal.  Almost.  But still in the back of my mind I remember.  And the pain for me swells up like it always does.  That almost normal feeling that sneaks up on me pushes me to feel a bit guilty. I know for a moment I forget, but I know she can never forget.  She feels the cancer growing larger inside her and if that doesn't do the trick, the long row of bottles of medications sitting on the bathroom counter are a reminder as well.  But she trudges on and puts on a smile and makes me feel loved.  Makes sure the kids have what they need, and always trying to be upbeat.

When I hear a Thousand Years on the radio, or I watch it for the umteenth time on youtube, I reminisce.  I think back to better times.  My mom was a single mother most of my life.  She did it ALL on her own.  Working two different jobs to make ends meet, and making sure when I turned 16, I had a brand new car to drive.  She was my world...soo strong, soo independent, soo motherly.  Unfortunately things have changed drastically since then, but one thing remains constant.  She is STILL my mother and she STILL loves me.  Now its my turn to take the wheel and help her down the road she is headed to.  She instilled values in me that some days I surprise myself with how I react.  Really, she did an amazing job as a mother.  So when A Thousand Years plays and I hear "Time Stands Still...Beauty in all she is, I will be brave...I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me.  Every breath, every hour has come to this...one step closer."  This song rips at my heart and swells tears in my eyes.  But there IS Beauty in all she is, and I am incredibly grateful to have her in my life and to call her my Momma <3

I have loved you for a thousand years....I will love you for a thousand more <3